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Great news! Unemployment numbers remain at record levels with no real end in sight.
Man, those jobless really got it made. Lunches at fancy restaurants. Shopping. Various cosmetic procedures. I don’t understand what all the fuss over the out-of-work is about. Seems to me they’re living quite comfortably.
Yes, if the Kardashians are an accurate gauge, there’s never been a better time to contribute less to society.
According to the Hollywood Reporter, the family took in $65 million in 2010. And why not? Besides every person you know, chimpanzees, children, large kitchen appliances, most breeds of dog, candlesticks, Paris Hilton and many robots, who else could have done the things they did?
Exhibit A: their show, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” It’s in its sixth season (just let that sink in) on E!
That’s E! Entertainment Television. “Entertainment” is right there in the name. They wouldn’t put something on the air if it wasn’t entertaining. It’s not E! “Stupid Garbage Television.” Not yet, at least.
Why has the show been such a huge success? Mother and manager Kris Jenner has an idea.
“There’s someone here for everyone to relate to,” she said.
Yes. I identify so strongly with Kourtney’s baby, Mason. In that being around these people would also make me want to cry and soil myself.
“I’ve had so many people come over to me and say, ‘I remember the episode where you were crying over blah, blah, blah and it helped me so much and I got through my dad’s death because of you,” she continued.
So true. There’s nothing more cathartic than watching rich people get into fights at nightclubs and then further discuss those fights in individual, dead-behind-the-eyes confessional interviews were they exhibit no vocal inflection of any kind. I can’t think of a better way to honor the memory of a lost loved one and value the precious gift of life.
But you don’t make $65 million just by being a coping mechanism. You make it by standing in front of a blowing fan, having your picture taken and then slapping that picture on everything humanly possible.
Kardashian Silly Bandz? Done. Could Pogs be next?
Kardashian book? Done. “Kardashian Konfidential” was a best seller, bigger than Oprah recommending the Bible.
Kardashian water? In the works. It’s just like regular water but it offers nothing beneficial. Actually, it’s just an empty bottle. It costs $7.95.
On Twitter, Kim can make $25,000 just by mentioning a business in her tweets. You mean, she doesn’t really choose Lowe’s for all of her weekend DIY home improvement projects?
“Unbreakable,” a unisex fragrance from Khloé and husband Lamar Odom, just came out and will likely be a huge hit. After all, who doesn’t want a romantic partner that smells exactly them? Just ask this appetizing commercial.
“Kardashian Khaos” is opening this year at the Mirage in Las Vegas, serving as a one-stop destination where people who hate themselves can buy every product currently endorsed by a Kardashian. It also furthers the family’s commitment to cleverly replacing the “C” at the beginning of words appearing after their name with a “K.” A concept most children would need at least 48 seconds to think of.
Worried this could all be too much of a good thing? As usual, the Kardashians are way ahead of you.
“We definitely worry about overexposure,” Jenner said. “We never want to get to a place where people are thinking, ‘Enough is enough.’ ”
Yeah, and I heard when you get to that place, you don’t even realize you’re there. Freaky.
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